THE SEASONS ♥♥♥

"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: a time to be born and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to rend, and time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace." Ecclesiastes 3:1-8.

As I was watching Nature on PBS the narrator said one thing to the viewers that I knew was God sending me to Ecclesiastes. He said, "....if the tender grass is buried too far beneath the snow this winter, it will be their [musk ox] turn to suffer..." 

I knew in that instant it was God sending me to search out His word in order to give me the answer to my question, "why is this all happening, Lord?" It was God telling me, "it's all happening because this is the season of your life, daughter." It's my turn, essentially. Do you know how much encouragement I have knowing that!? To read it at first sends the message that I'm complaining or needing sympathy. But no, not so! On the contrary,  I am praising God for telling me what I need to know, saying it with power, and giving my spirit rest within the hope I have for the new season that is to come. But for now, it's my turn. I'm in my season. I have had the seasons of all other things mentioned in those verses. And just like each good thing comes, each not-so-good thing must come as well. Is it not written in the book of Job 2:10 saying, "...shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil?"

Now, I'll live out my season with courage and hope, while knowing,"...all things work together for good to them that love God." Romans 8:28. And besides, "...tribulation works patience..." Romans 5:3. What more do I need to say? This post will reflect these findings and revelations...courtesy of God the Father, and perhaps the next post will reflect the things in those verses out of Ecclesiastes that are not underlined. Suddenly, I feel like one who is waiting out the storm. I may have these seasons a lot, but they're only seasons and they pass.

"Lord, I accept the good with gratitude while I understand that I must accept the evil as well. Thank you for never forsaking me." amen

HE REMINDS ME...

I believe I should glorify God by letting the rest of the world see that things aren't all bad all the time and we can overcome with faith and patience. Therefore, I felt like using a fun color to lighten the mood of my last entry! Sometimes, it's the simplest things in life that can bring a little light or joy in a dark moment.        


It's hard for others to relate to having many trials to come down on you at once unless you're in the same situation at the time. I've been trying to chronicle the reality of my life without sugar-coating it or coming off to others as if all around me is perfection. That would be a lie. Perfection is nowhere to be seen, but that's probably nothing I need to tell anyone else. What I can attest to, along with the trials, is God's hand reaching in to save me.


The Lord is an everlasting God and He's faithful. Those two attributes alone make for a Father of Fathers! I could never ask for greater love. Though things are far from being what I need them to be, I see little blessings along the way, the likes of which remind me that He is still here and wants me to remember who I am through Christ Jesus. He doesn't want me to become so weak that I fall and can't get up. I don't need to remind anyone who has children, pays bills, or has health issues that life can be a real rat race. I suppose that's why it's called, "running the race," and not "sauntering along at a delightful pace."


I often believe that there's a tin can on a string running from my mouth to his ear and we are constantly talking on them across the divide. Sometimes, it seems that all I have to do is mutter the words and the circumstances can change. He's amazing that way. But He never overly extends the blessings to where I am unable to feel humility. He keeps me in a humble state. I'm grateful for it as I look around and see the high-minded and those who feel they are above others for various reasons. 'Lord, may I never feel above anyone ever.'

That all being said, "let us run with patience the race set before us." "The Lord is our strength and ever present help in times of need." There is nowhere else that I could turn in times of need. As the old baptist hymn goes, "where could I go...oh, where could I go...seeking a refuge for my soul, needing a friend to save me in the end...where could I go but to the Lord." That song has popped up in my times of trouble so often that I know now God gave it to me, because I always feel a little better when I sing that verse. Just that one. It's helpful to me.


You know, some people have everything. The cars, the house, the jewelry, and plenty more to be had because they have money. Simple as that. And I can't lie and say that I haven't asked the Lord to smite me with wealth and may I never recover from it LOL. I've often thought, 'money isn't everything and we can't take it with us when we go Lord, but I'd love to have none of the problems I have stemming from the lack of.' Then He takes me back to the subject of humility and tells me some things about myself. "Daughter, you have an expensive taste. You like nice things. Remember how you were when you had that nice car? Remember how you behaved when you were blessed with all the nice clothes you wanted whenever you wanted?" He reminds me that there was once a time when money wasn't an issue and I was a bit high-minded. I drove my nice car too fast and felt entitled to more than my share. Now, I have a positive outlook on not having money. He has afforded me all that I need but not more than my daily share. And that has humbled me. It's good! I'll gladly be poor and humble than rich and high-minded. (Not all rich are high-minded so please don't fuss at me and tell me so) :)


I had another trial arise and it has bore down on my shoulders like a mountain today, I know I know...my goodness what is going on here? LOL..just my life. It's like poultry in motion LOL (just a little cheeky humor for a moment) It's another landlord issue. That's not the point though, the point is that along with the issue that arrived, another issue lifted. It's as if God is balancing life a bit for me. "Never more than you are able to bear." Life could end at any time and I'm ready to go when it does. But while I'm here, I'm able to run this race knowing He's the one running alongside me. It all sounds so cliche and religious, but it's my true heart speaking about the one true living God.

WHAT DOES EVIL FEEL LIKE?

What does evil feel like? It feels icky and ugly. It leaves a residue behind like glue or resin. It sticks to you and leaves you shaken and unwell. It leaves you confused and feeling doubt. The difference between the evils of my youth and the present day evils is that I know what it is now.


I had an incident this morning with two individuals in a conversation. I'm not yet sure if these two people knew each other but they certainly joined forces readily. What came of the conversation left me shaken to the core, ruined my day, and made me so sad. It was a typical conversation that anyone might have of politics and things happening in America that aren't what makes this country great. But they did not agree with my views at all. I'm not surprised and am used to that.


In a nutshell I said that border patrol agents should treat human beings like human beings whether they are illegal immigrants or not. The words I started my statement with were, "abuse by border patrol agents is rampant..." and that was all it took to launch this lady at me like a rocket. I tried desperately and respectfully to reason with her but she seemed to want to dance around the issue of humanitarian respect and tell me how I should do more research and that I was "spouting off." This is a person that had previously called herself my friend and even referred to herself and I as friends when another individual "came to my rescue." Then her friend chimed in on her behalf and it just felt like a complete piranha attack. I tried to keep steering the conversation to the issue of humanitarian respect, but she then accused me of hiding behind that to attack our border patrol agents. Long story short, I eventually saw the devil. It took a few minutes of defending myself and feeling a bit blind-sided but I finally began to see him in this.


So, what does evil feel like? It feels just like the enemy works to make it feel. You feel totally confused during the attack. You can't make sense of what's being said or done to you. You can't wrap your mind around why this individual is so angry at you and unwilling to compromise or be reasonable. You can't understand where this anger is coming from and why it's coming from your "friend" and greater still is the confusion as to why it's aimed at you. But you know one thing for sure...this is not God. God is not in these people. So, I had to make a snap decision and base it on my faith and peace. I had to tell her that I respected her opinion and was going to remain in respect of her opinion, even though it was clear that she didn't care about me, my opinions, my love for human beings (the issue at hand), or whether I gave her respect. She seemed to only soften a bit when my reaction was pleasant but it still didn't shut her down. She was determined to fire off rapidly at me and be as rude and nasty as possible. I was in awe of the evil and darkness. I could have touched it because it was tangible.


I'm not writing this to give the devil glory. I'm writing this to tell you what evil feels like and to share with you that this is my idea of the real world. Every day we may be faced with a choice to be just like that person and mistreat them in retaliation or we can remember from where we came and call on the Lord for grace and show a level of peace, light, and love that can squelch the evil. I carried that with me throughout this day and as you can see, it's still profoundly with me. Evil affects me deeply. I am unable to pretend like it didn't happen or I didn't feel anything. I did feel something. I felt confused, icky, darkness, something I don't want to feel again.


I also felt the hand of God reach into the situation and pull me out. He remained strong within me, gave me grace to speak with, and sent an angel to defend me. God knew right where I was at that moment. My spiritual eyes could see Him hearing my heart's cries. It's like seeing a father at the park with his child and his back to the play area. Imagine him hearing his child get hurt and start crying. Imagine that father spinning around in response to the sound of his child in distress and then bolting over to sweep the child into safety and a loving embrace. That's my God :)

THE INTERCEDING SPIRIT

I posted the previous post without glorifying God for something! I should have skipped straight to the glorifying and left off the worrying part. Here's the story:


I got this letter in the mailbox from my landlord of 8 years that is asking for $50 more on the rent. This was a devastating blow to me for all kinds of reasons. Seems a bit trivial to some folks but when you've struggled as I have and struggled with the same landlord all these years, the whole thing takes on a greater significance and trauma.


I came in the house, just crumbled onto the floor (before the Lord), and wept sore. I poured my heart out to Him as best I could but my thoughts were so mixed up that I couldn't express myself. I just couldn't find the words to tell Him how I felt about it or to even ask how to feel. I just sobbed and babbled along about it in some form of broken English. I was okay with that however, because the Bible tells us that, "....the Spirit likewise helps in our infirmities; for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered." Romans 8:26. I knew in my soul that the Holy Spirit would take over for me, so I just opened my mouth and let my heart's words flow the best I could.


Mind you, my thoughts were all in a jumbled manner. I couldn't think enough to pray. I was distraught, worried, confused, angry, and so many other emotions were boiling to the surface regarding this landlord person I've dealt with all these years. This was another "incident" with her. 


My point however, is that suddenly from down on the floor, where my sobbing face was, I heard the Lord speak to my spirit and tell me to get my Bible. I obeyed. I said, "where Lord?" That's all I could say and He said, "Psalms." I went there. 


Now, my Bible is like anyone else's, marked all up. Prominent verses are underlined in bright pink and easily seen. Suddenly, my eyes are falling on every single underlined verse, but the miracle of it is that each verse came together, despite being so far from one another, to form one solid statement! "I am with you daughter, I love you and you're going to be okay. Don't worry." Suddenly, all of that fear, doubt, and confusion lifted off of me like a huge weight drawn up from a crane above me. I had a great wave of peace wash over me and my thoughts lined right up! I went from having the feeling that "I don't know anything right now" to "I know." I knew I was going to be okay because God heard my heart crying out to Him. He was going to show me the way, and that way would be right and good for me.


The biggest part of the whole thing is that I knew the Holy Spirit would intercede. I knew He would talk to the Father and sort it out. I knew I was in good hands. I always am.

WASHED OUT TO SEA...

I feel like I was rowing on an angry sea in a tiny dinghy and could see the shore and just as I made it past the strongest currents and dangerous reef, a giant wave hits and pushes me back out to sea.

This may seem trivial to some, but I must tell the tale because it's my trial and there has to be resolve at the end of this. I told  Annemarie Pipa that I agreed with her that chronicling such trials in our lives is a good thing. To me, it's a way of showing how the Lord brings us out. 

Every trial I face has an ending. Every time I've cried out to the Lord, He's rescued me. I can very much whine about the way I'll be having to find resolve in this particular issue, but it's one of those times where you know you have to take it for what it is and deal with it the best you can, with God's guidance and help. What I want for myself and what He has planned are often two different things. I might be surprised at how this actually pans out, but for right now, I'm scared and worried.

Here's the problem in a nutshell, my rent went up. I can't afford another dollar to go out of my budget. I can't afford to move nor afford to pay her more money.

Without giving too much detail and information, let's just say two things need to happen for me. One, I need to know the right time to talk to her about this and the courage to do so. Two, I'll need her heart to soften towards me as I offer her half of what she's asking as an increase. Her compassion, mercy, and understanding will need to be the thing I rely on the most. Meaning, Lord please speak to her heart on the day I go to discuss this with her and tell me when that moment is. May I go in courage and peace. Please pray for me.