We all have a choice to believe in something, I choose to believe in God!

Sunday, July 8, 2012


This post should be all about great things and good living. That's not my life though. I don't have that peaceful life that doesn't contain any hardships or trials. In fact, most of my life is one big hardship and trial. It seems never ending.

Just a week and a half ago, I stood on my porch and looked out over the lovely valley and the mountains and thought, I feel pretty good about life. I've enjoyed a good few days. Nothing bad seems to have happened and everything seems good. That's when these exact words sprung from my heart without provocation or ability to suppress them, "Lord, help me prepare for what's to come because everything has been too good for too long and that can only mean one thing, it's about to get bad."

Now, "...too good for too long..." doesn't mean I've been dancing in high cotton and money fell from the sky while I did so. It just means that I noticed an unusual trend of joy and peace for an unusually long time, like almost an entire month. Within 2 days of me making that outward prayer, the first wave hit! I am in a particular pickle that I'm not even sure I can get out of. But it feels somewhat like a form of devastation to me. Next 2 days, the second wave hit! A problem that should be easily solved were I to rent from good people who care about their property more than they do. This issue is still up in the air. And then 2 days more and the third wave hit! A storm that caused major damage, widespread power outage in this summer heat, and cost me more than I'm able to lose. I was able to weather the last "wave" and leave the house for the days that my power was out. But, within 30 mins of coming home, the 4th wave hit! The air in the water lines of my home was severe enough to blast the cap off the tower in the back of the toilet and water spewed everywhere because I didn't know to turn it off first and foremost. It took me a few moments of squealing freakish behavior to realize that the only way to stop the water was to turn it off. Sigh.

I'm home, I'm safe, it could have been worse. I was blessed and carried, but not on the golden wings of some magical dove of peace. It was more like, I was carried to hell on earth, a.k.a., my brother-in-law's house, by the dragon of crapworld. "Crapworld" being where my brother-in-law and my 17 yr old nephew live. Two country boys living without a woman. That house was a disaster. No clean dishes, a flea bag dog that refuses to do his business outside, and ugh...I can't continue with the description. I was there for a few days and I spent the entire time cleaning just so it was habitable for myself. Why did I stay there? Because it's just minutes from my house and I needed to be able to drive back and forth to check for the power to be on. I also had to check on my plants because it was extremely hot in here. I also had to come home and completely empty the fridge and freezer on the 2nd day when it was obvious that the food wouldn't make it. I had to do as much as possible to get everything out that could leave an odor or form green fuzz. Essentially, I was cleaning both houses for those days that the power was out.

I wish I could jump up and down and praise God, but for now I'm in that place where I can say, "thank you for what I have been blessed with Lord and that it wasn't worse," but the super praise isn't in me. There's so much uncertainty that it hangs over me like a cloud. I have to make some kind of move to strengthen my faith. I need that boost of faith that always gets me through. I need a refreshing. I need to be strengthened and reassured that "the sorrow may last through the night but the joy comes with the morning." Lord, let the morning arrive soon.