Do you know that I would rather have an open door policy to everyone and give the benefit of the doubt, rather than assume and judge someone straight out of the gate? I would. That's how I feel I should deal with the new relationships/friendships I forge in life. I do not want to assume that someone is bad immediately just based on a comment or two. I do not want to mistreat someone just because they want to mistreat me. So why do people force you into that position? How could kindness and love mean so little to some people? What is that called? Is that "possession"? As in, demon possessed?
I feel like a naive person sometimes. When hate touches me I don't understand it. I don't know what it was that just hit me. I kind of stand there and look amazed and rather stupefied. My heart just beats out of my chest and I feel this great rush of fear. I think..."what just happened here?"
I will do anything to avoid this feeling. I will also do anything I can to make sure that what has happened wasn't deserved by me and if it was, I must make it right. I must seek peace and forgiveness at all costs. But I also have to realize that some people are not out for peace..but they are out for the proverbial blood. They want to hurt you and nothing you say or do will make that better. One has to realize that they came into your life with this "demon" spirit of hate in their hearts so the odds of your kindness driving it out are slim to none. I found out for myself that anyone who comes with an ill will towards me has come determined to fulfill the mission. This is very sad and very tragic.
In the grand scheme of things, I wasn't called to sort such things out necessarily, but to understand the nature of the beast and then to slay it. I am nothing more but a David to the world of Goliaths in this respect. I am so small in this big world. I have a big love but that only works where another is willing to receive it and understand it. Other than that, we can do nothing but give such things over to God. It's wonderful to do that. To give it over to God and rest. I go through great waves of stress and anguish before I do that. It's the behavior of a foolish woman. Why do we try to deal with such things ourselves, Christians? I know who it is "with whom I have to do." I know who holds my peace in the palm of His hand, and yet, I try to cope with it and sort it out. Then, at the end of a long and arduous journey I am left confused and hurting. For no reason save for the fact that I could have saved myself the trouble by just saying, "Lord, what just happened there? I don't understand and I'm gonna step away from it. This is clearly a matter of the soul...for this one's soul is blackened and this one's heart is so hardened that I can not fix this. I leave it in your capable hands."
What happens when I choose the option of leaving it with God and stepping away? I have the same rush of emotion but it's in the form of peace. He rescues me every time. Non-believers assume that it's just a mental state that I might be putting myself in. I know me better than that. And besides, how does one go from complete confusion and hurt to complete peace and rest without having any more understanding than they did when the incident occurred? You have to find understanding in order to claim that you are the one that found your way through and solved the problem. I don't have that. I just have this peace that it's dealt with. It's like having your own bodyguard and him being a regular Hercules who would give his life for you and then you being able to fall in love with him. It's the best of both worlds. Love and protection and security and eternal union, all at once.
I feel like a naive person sometimes. When hate touches me I don't understand it. I don't know what it was that just hit me. I kind of stand there and look amazed and rather stupefied. My heart just beats out of my chest and I feel this great rush of fear. I think..."what just happened here?"
I will do anything to avoid this feeling. I will also do anything I can to make sure that what has happened wasn't deserved by me and if it was, I must make it right. I must seek peace and forgiveness at all costs. But I also have to realize that some people are not out for peace..but they are out for the proverbial blood. They want to hurt you and nothing you say or do will make that better. One has to realize that they came into your life with this "demon" spirit of hate in their hearts so the odds of your kindness driving it out are slim to none. I found out for myself that anyone who comes with an ill will towards me has come determined to fulfill the mission. This is very sad and very tragic.
In the grand scheme of things, I wasn't called to sort such things out necessarily, but to understand the nature of the beast and then to slay it. I am nothing more but a David to the world of Goliaths in this respect. I am so small in this big world. I have a big love but that only works where another is willing to receive it and understand it. Other than that, we can do nothing but give such things over to God. It's wonderful to do that. To give it over to God and rest. I go through great waves of stress and anguish before I do that. It's the behavior of a foolish woman. Why do we try to deal with such things ourselves, Christians? I know who it is "with whom I have to do." I know who holds my peace in the palm of His hand, and yet, I try to cope with it and sort it out. Then, at the end of a long and arduous journey I am left confused and hurting. For no reason save for the fact that I could have saved myself the trouble by just saying, "Lord, what just happened there? I don't understand and I'm gonna step away from it. This is clearly a matter of the soul...for this one's soul is blackened and this one's heart is so hardened that I can not fix this. I leave it in your capable hands."
What happens when I choose the option of leaving it with God and stepping away? I have the same rush of emotion but it's in the form of peace. He rescues me every time. Non-believers assume that it's just a mental state that I might be putting myself in. I know me better than that. And besides, how does one go from complete confusion and hurt to complete peace and rest without having any more understanding than they did when the incident occurred? You have to find understanding in order to claim that you are the one that found your way through and solved the problem. I don't have that. I just have this peace that it's dealt with. It's like having your own bodyguard and him being a regular Hercules who would give his life for you and then you being able to fall in love with him. It's the best of both worlds. Love and protection and security and eternal union, all at once.
