We all have a choice to believe in something, I choose to believe in God!

Sunday, June 29, 2014


All my life I've wondered why it is that I feel my energy drain away around certain people. I've wondered how it is that I can tell when someone is lying to me no matter who they are and if I've even known them long. I've always wondered if being a good listener is an attribute that came from conditioning or is this a gift of mine. There's so much about me (and others like me) that sets me apart. Everyone has their talents and there's nothing about me that's above anyone else, but there's a lot about me that's particularly different from most others. 

I'm learning through therapy to seize the moment and live in it as it comes. I'm learning that it's okay to tune into who I am and not be ashamed to tout myself as being the great person I am. I'm learning that it's society that teaches prejudice, not God and not my genetics and therefore being prejudice against myself for saying, "I'm unique and special" isn't what I'm supposed to do but rather that's what society teaches us. It teaches us to hate ourselves, don't embrace yourself or you're considered a braggart. I'm no braggart but I'm unique, special, and I know now what it is about me that sets me apart. I'm an empath. You can also think of people with my abilities as "sensitive." I've always felt overly or hyper-sensitive to others energies. This explains it so well:

Empaths are often quiet and can take a while to handle a compliment for they're more inclined to point out another's positive attributes. They are highly expressive in all areas of emotional connection, and talk openly, and, at times, quite frankly in respect to themselves. They may have few problems talking about their feelings. [This is so true about myself, I hate compliments, they make me uncomfortable and I don't like being the focus of someone's attention].
However, they can be the exact opposite: reclusive and apparently unresponsive at the best of times. They may even appear ignorant. Some are very good at blocking out others and that's not always a bad thing, at least for the learning empath struggling with a barrage of emotions from others, as well as their own feelings. [I deal with the 'barrage of emotions from others' in that I feel your emotions in a deep way, it's almost tiring to sense other people].

Empaths have a tendency to openly feel what is outside of them more so than what is inside of them. This can cause empaths to ignore their own needs. In general an empath is non-violent, non-aggressive and leans more towards being the peacemaker. Any area filled with disharmony creates an uncomfortable feeling in an empath. If they find themselves in the middle of a confrontation, they will endeavor to settle the situation as quickly as possible, if not avoid it all together. If any harsh words are expressed in defending themselves, they will likely resent their lack of self-control, and have a preference to peacefully resolve the problem quickly. [This fits in with my absolute hatred of being near my daughter-in-law when she has to discipline my grandson, that energy and confrontation is too much for me to bear].

Empaths are sensitive to TV, videos, movies, news and broadcasts. Violence or emotional dramas depicting shocking scenes of physical or emotional pain inflicted on adults, children or animals can bring an empath easily to tears. At times, they may feel physically ill or choke back the tears. Some empaths will struggle to comprehend any such cruelty, and will have grave difficulty in expressing themselves in the face of another's ignorance, closed-mindedness and obvious lack of compassion. They simply cannot justify the suffering they feel and see. [When I was a little girl, I lost all sense of myself once when watching a baby sea lion get clubbed to death on a nature show...I ran upstairs sobbing uncontrollably while the rest of my 6-member family just stared incredulously at me, they just didn't understand what the problem was].

People of all walks of life and animals are attracted to the warmth and genuine compassion of empaths. Regardless of whether others are aware of one being empathic, people are drawn to them as a metal object is to a magnet! They are like beacons of light. [...which is why I tire so easily around people. They want me near them, they enjoy me and draw to my energy but this can drain me. I find people enjoying my company a lot but I never thought it was because of my empathic sensitivities].

Even complete strangers find it easy to talk to empaths about the most personal things, and before they know it, they have poured out their hearts and souls without intending to do so consciously. It is as though on a sub-conscious level that person knows instinctively that empaths would listen with compassionate understanding. [This explains why the first day of seeing my Psychiatrist, he ended up telling me his entire life story and didn't talk about me one bit, which was okay with me and still is].

Here are the listeners of life. Empaths are often problem solvers, thinkers, and studiers of many things. As far as empaths are concerned, where a problem is, so too is the answer. They often will search until they find one--if only for peace of mind. [I just told an old high school friend that I'm a problem-solver and I don't mind living alone for that reason, I can solve any problem that arises].
That's about the size of it. I know now that I'm an empath and it explains everything. If you're an empath, you'll know it.

Thursday, June 19, 2014


I learned that being a grandparent is one of the greatest gifts our children can give us. My family is fractured, broken, lost, dispersed, disjointed, and generally wackadoo. We don't know how to get along, everyone is yacking about everyone else and someone is constantly doing something that makes the rest of us wonder how we could be related.

That being said, I can't honestly say bringing more babies into this family is always the most wise thing to do but I'm happy as a lark nonetheless. This picture is of Liam when he was a couple of months old. He's two years old now. Every time I look at this, I feel that warmth come over me and want to kiss his little chubby cheeks.

No matter what kind of family you have, there's a future generation coming along and there's always hope in them.

Friday, June 13, 2014


I've been having problems with internet trolls. The advice that everyone gives is always the same, they tell me, "don't feed the trolls." I say that each troll is a person and each person has feelings for the most part. While I'd like to simply ignore them, I can't help but try to understand them.

What drives a person to be mean, rude, and nasty to people they've never even met? That's a question with an in depth answer so I won't try to break that down. All I'm saying is that trolls are people too and a lot of the time they have pain and sorrow and they don't know how to channel it.

I will say this, if you're an internet troll, you could try just telling someone that you have pain in your heart. The answer isn't always to project your pain and suffering onto someone else! Try finding that total stranger you wish to prey upon and tell them that you're a broken man or woman and see if you can elicit sympathy and understanding instead of going from post to post and person to person getting yourself blocked and leaving the first impression as the very worst one possible. It's easy to do and most people would rather you tell them you hurt rather than expressing it in the form of rage and anger that is improperly directed at strangers. It's not our fault you hurt but give some of us a chance to help you. You'd be surprised how many people will actually relate to you for it. The only alternative is being the troll. You don't have to be a troll when you're really a human being.

Tuesday, June 10, 2014


It's the strangest anomaly. My doctor has started me on Abilify and I've developed a Tourette's type of tick in my pinkey toes (or 'pinkle' toes as my grandson says). I can't stop stretching my toes out and apart and my feet are actually starting to hurt from it. Ugh.

Wednesday, June 4, 2014


Although I can handle change, it takes me awhile to acclimate to trying. For example, my avatar needed changing over a year ago. I lost visual on it in blogger some months back and it was time to change it. It was showing up on some pages and not on others but the fact is that the pic was old and it was time to update. I hate the thought of being the same person for years and years and then when the time comes to meet someone in person you've met online (friends that is), they see this person in front of them that doesn't remotely resemble the person in their avatar. I like to keep it updated even though it's only a testament to my aging process.

Change is good but it takes me some time to realize that change is needed. That being said, I seem to welcome changes frequently in life. For example, I've reinvented myself probably 9x. By "reinvented" I mean that I have lived an entirely different lifestyle throughout life. I've been a simple mother and house wife, a carpet installer for 13 years, a builder of houses, a painter, an electrician, a student, and I foresee a career in psychology or counseling in my future. I just seem to cycle through these changes and lifestyles albeit each one evolves at a slow pace. I find it interesting, and it's also very cool to have looked back over my 45 years and see that I've covered such a wide range of lifestyles. I was even a biker chick for a time, a tattoo fanatic, and a couple of things better left unmentioned. All of these required I shift gears and live a certain lifestyle in order to be a master of my trade or to be the best fan I could be. Whatever the case was at the time, it had to be a lifestyle and not just a hobby running in the background. When I go in, I go in all the way.

Life has been a roller coaster and it's not even over yet.