joy without pain<>pain without joy

I have absolutely no fear of dying. I'm not scared of it at all!! All I can think about when the subject comes up is, 'I'll be meeting my Jesus!' Yay (and she giggles with delight)

But that doesn't change the fact that I have a job to do while I'm here. I have love to give and people are hurting enough to receive it. I love you hurting, lost, dying, and undone!! I love you crippled and sad. I love you blind and deaf. I love you unlovable.

I can count on half of one hand the people in my life that I really believe have a 'love' for me. If that's all I get, then I accept it as a gift. And a beautiful gift it is!! Love.

I have this little part of me that's bigger than the rest of me. It's my most treasured part. Where forgiveness flows and love is all-consuming. The flowers of my life bloom there, but it's my tears that water them.

One thing I've learned in life, you can't have joy without pain. But you can have pain without joy. As Jesus' disciples said, "This is a hard saying, who can hear it?"

I'VE BEEN TO THE WOODSHED

I'm thankful today that God knows my heart, hears my prayers, works it all out, and does it all for His glory and not my own. I was in the valley. It was reflected in a couple of the blogs I posted recently. I stood against the church. The devil, my enemy, must have been having a good laugh at my expense.

Today's sermon was my trip to the woodshed (as we say in the south about getting a spanking). God flat out told me what He thought of my disrespect of His church. He dealt firmly but lovingly with me.

He told me to go back over my blog and delete the posts that said anything negative about the church. He also told me that He knows why I feel this way about the church I've decided to leave. He made it known that His eye is on things and that He doesn't need my opinions. He told me that I was falling into a dangerous place as a Christian. He gave me the information I need to avoid the sudden impact of apathy and conformity to the world.

I erased those blog posts and I apologize to anyone who may have already read them. I can't remember the exact words the preacher used but I know that my words weren't helping anyone, they were hurting in fact. I was sitting in a place of judgement. Not my seat to take.

It's not my place as a Christian to stand against the church. I must stand with my people even when I don't agree. This is my lesson to be learned as to how easily the devil is able to divide and conquer.

The primary thing for me to know is that God has been with me through this entire journey into the valley. He brought me back out and He did it quickly. I'm here to say that He couldn't have done that if I had decided in my heart that I was right and couldn't be wrong. I knew if I left myself open He would work it out and reveal the truths to me that I might not see. It didn't take long for God to do a new thing.

This blog post is my way of acknowledging God's abilities to work and move in the hearts of His children when they're yielded. This is my public statement against the devils abilities to oppress, depress, or suppress God's children for any length of time. He'll always try, but God always wins. It sounds weak but I never claimed to be a writer.

It always hurts to take a spanking. Nobody willingly goes to the woodshed. But the blessing I've received today is immeasurable. The joy that has returned to me is invaluable. The peace that is flowing through me is like a river. The new knowledge I've gained is only attainable through the works of the Holy Spirit. I can only say it as it seems to me to be....God worked so hard to help me and save me and guide me back to Him and out of the darkness. He loves me so much!!! He loves you the same. If you don't know Him, go to the bottom of the page and say the prayer and you'll get the same kind of blessings in your own life that I got in mine.

 

THE MIRACLE OF LIFE

My angel-baby grandson is sleeping soundly right now. As I stood over his crib and watched his little back rise and fall, I was struck by the life in him. His little body no bigger than the length of my arm. His tiny heart pumping life throughout his tiny body. I'm in awe. Absolute awe. His life began because the lives of his parents began because the lives of their parents began, and so on. Where did that first spark of life begin? Life was passed into my grandson by life. I'm having the warmest feeling, and there is the biggest smile on my face right now. The thought of the miracle that is life. I can feel the reality of it but I can't articulate. He's sleeping without a care in the world. His tiny fat legs pulled up to his belly and his little fat hands are balled up on both sides of little shoulders. He's warm and peace-filled. He's making little wheezing sounds with every exhale. Just thought I'd share my moment of awe.

HE HEARD MY CRIES

Only God can hear the cries of my heart and it's obvious that He has. Against all the odds my week has gone by without a hitch. It should have been an awful week, if it had gone the way I expected it to. But none of the tragedies I saw looming ahead ever materialized. I end this week with one more hurdle to jump knowing that God will either strengthen me to jump high enough or he'll lower the bar so that I can clear it without injury. Praise His name!

MY SORE SPIRIT

Note to self, God loves me and He's working it out. Stay close to Him, trust Him. He's gonna see me through. Today is a good day. I have an unusual lifting of my spirit. Something I've needed for some days now. Even my son, a man busy with his band and new son, noticed something happening to me spiritually. We often have to go through the valley to stand on the mountain. Being a Christian isn't about constant spiritual highs. It never seizes to disturb me to hear preachers tell their congregation that "you're a Christian, you should be the happiest person in the world." Really? How does one achieve that? By not seeing the starvation of children, murder, neglect, theft, drugs and alcohol and the destruction it causes? I say, if you're a Christian your heart should be burdened at all times if you live in the real world. I can't look around me and not be sad. I'll be happy when I get home. For now, I have to keep a vigilant watch over the tragedies of this time and pray for people. I'd rather cry my heart out every day for someone else's  pain and feel compassion for them, then to walk around with a stupid grin on my face all the time as if I don't know that there's any suffering. I think a warm and burdened heart is a right heart. Just my opinion and desire for myself. Truly I'm bruised and battered. My spirit is sore from the battle. But, fight I must! Thank you Jesus for the strength.