THE INTERCEDING SPIRIT

I posted the previous post without glorifying God for something! I should have skipped straight to the glorifying and left off the worrying part. Here's the story:


I got this letter in the mailbox from my landlord of 8 years that is asking for $50 more on the rent. This was a devastating blow to me for all kinds of reasons. Seems a bit trivial to some folks but when you've struggled as I have and struggled with the same landlord all these years, the whole thing takes on a greater significance and trauma.


I came in the house, just crumbled onto the floor (before the Lord), and wept sore. I poured my heart out to Him as best I could but my thoughts were so mixed up that I couldn't express myself. I just couldn't find the words to tell Him how I felt about it or to even ask how to feel. I just sobbed and babbled along about it in some form of broken English. I was okay with that however, because the Bible tells us that, "....the Spirit likewise helps in our infirmities; for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered." Romans 8:26. I knew in my soul that the Holy Spirit would take over for me, so I just opened my mouth and let my heart's words flow the best I could.


Mind you, my thoughts were all in a jumbled manner. I couldn't think enough to pray. I was distraught, worried, confused, angry, and so many other emotions were boiling to the surface regarding this landlord person I've dealt with all these years. This was another "incident" with her. 


My point however, is that suddenly from down on the floor, where my sobbing face was, I heard the Lord speak to my spirit and tell me to get my Bible. I obeyed. I said, "where Lord?" That's all I could say and He said, "Psalms." I went there. 


Now, my Bible is like anyone else's, marked all up. Prominent verses are underlined in bright pink and easily seen. Suddenly, my eyes are falling on every single underlined verse, but the miracle of it is that each verse came together, despite being so far from one another, to form one solid statement! "I am with you daughter, I love you and you're going to be okay. Don't worry." Suddenly, all of that fear, doubt, and confusion lifted off of me like a huge weight drawn up from a crane above me. I had a great wave of peace wash over me and my thoughts lined right up! I went from having the feeling that "I don't know anything right now" to "I know." I knew I was going to be okay because God heard my heart crying out to Him. He was going to show me the way, and that way would be right and good for me.


The biggest part of the whole thing is that I knew the Holy Spirit would intercede. I knew He would talk to the Father and sort it out. I knew I was in good hands. I always am.

WASHED OUT TO SEA...

I feel like I was rowing on an angry sea in a tiny dinghy and could see the shore and just as I made it past the strongest currents and dangerous reef, a giant wave hits and pushes me back out to sea.

This may seem trivial to some, but I must tell the tale because it's my trial and there has to be resolve at the end of this. I told  Annemarie Pipa that I agreed with her that chronicling such trials in our lives is a good thing. To me, it's a way of showing how the Lord brings us out. 

Every trial I face has an ending. Every time I've cried out to the Lord, He's rescued me. I can very much whine about the way I'll be having to find resolve in this particular issue, but it's one of those times where you know you have to take it for what it is and deal with it the best you can, with God's guidance and help. What I want for myself and what He has planned are often two different things. I might be surprised at how this actually pans out, but for right now, I'm scared and worried.

Here's the problem in a nutshell, my rent went up. I can't afford another dollar to go out of my budget. I can't afford to move nor afford to pay her more money.

Without giving too much detail and information, let's just say two things need to happen for me. One, I need to know the right time to talk to her about this and the courage to do so. Two, I'll need her heart to soften towards me as I offer her half of what she's asking as an increase. Her compassion, mercy, and understanding will need to be the thing I rely on the most. Meaning, Lord please speak to her heart on the day I go to discuss this with her and tell me when that moment is. May I go in courage and peace. Please pray for me.

...UP FROM THE MIRE

I'm moving forward with the good news. My previous posts have eluded to some difficulties in my life, and in particular, "the pickle" I was in. Well, the "pickle problem" is resolved as well as all the others, in their entirety and completely! I can give myself none of the glory for I have no idea how these things resolved themselves. I can't say I did anything to resolve them other than feel the compelling of the Holy Spirit to guide me to the places I should go to in order to get the resolve I needed. If I was without the Lord, would I have been able to do as well?

Which brings me to how I see myself in this situation. I see myself as Jeremiah was when they threw him into the dungeon and he sunk in the mire. (Jeremiah chpt 38). First was the help that was compelled to him in Jeremiah 38:9. Then was the command given by order of the King (in my mind it's the Lord) in verse 10 and the King commands that it be done, "....before he die.." It was a command to take 30 men (isn't that the same number assigned to the pieces of silver that Judas betrayed Jesus for? hm). And then the most interesting thing is that they didn't just throw down a rope, but fashioned something comfortable for him to put under his arms so as to free him without harming him, in verse 11.

Isn't that just like the Lord in a situation? He sends more than enough help, sends it before you can't take anymore and you think it's over (in the dramatic proverbial way), and then the release from the mire you've sunk in is rather comfortable as he gently pulls you out. That's the God I know. I give Him all glory for hearing my cries from the dungeon of my life. I give Him all praise for seeing me worthy of rescue. I give Him all thanks for gently pulling me free and setting me in a safe place where there's hope.

ONE STEP FORWARD

I feel it's always our responsibility to share the good news of what God does in our lives after we've wept about the things that went wrong.

Some of the issues I was facing during the previous post have been resolved but not all. I'm still in that pickle that I'm not sure I'll get out of. With that, I'm trying to see all the blessings that can be in it. There are some, but when I think about the situation, I just take a deep breath and let it out in a kind of exasperated way. I'm not the only one with troubles but may be I tend to see mine more than others do. I was diagnosed early in life with clinical depression and I read once that people with depression have an uncontrollable tendency to be drawn to the negative things in life instead of the positive. I find myself working against that quite a bit so it must be true.

Despite all of that, life isn't over yet and I have work to do. I forge ahead knowing that God has always been with me and will always be.

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?"..."For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:35,38,39

"SORROW LASTS THROUGH THE NIGHT..."

This post should be all about great things and good living. That's not my life though. I don't have that peaceful life that doesn't contain any hardships or trials. In fact, most of my life is one big hardship and trial. It seems never ending.


Just a week and a half ago, I stood on my porch and looked out over the lovely valley and the mountains and thought, I feel pretty good about life. I've enjoyed a good few days. Nothing bad seems to have happened and everything seems good. That's when these exact words sprung from my heart without provocation or ability to suppress them, "Lord, help me prepare for what's to come because everything has been too good for too long and that can only mean one thing, it's about to get bad."


Now, "...too good for too long..." doesn't mean I've been dancing in high cotton and money fell from the sky while I did so. It just means that I noticed an unusual trend of joy and peace for an unusually long time, like almost an entire month. Within 2 days of me making that outward prayer, the first wave hit! I am in a particular pickle that I'm not even sure I can get out of. But it feels somewhat like a form of devastation to me. Next 2 days, the second wave hit! A problem that should be easily solved were I to rent from good people who care about their property more than they do. This issue is still up in the air. And then 2 days more and the third wave hit! A storm that caused major damage, widespread power outage in this summer heat, and cost me more than I'm able to lose. I was able to weather the last "wave" and leave the house for the days that my power was out. But, within 30 mins of coming home, the 4th wave hit! The air in the water lines of my home was severe enough to blast the cap off the tower in the back of the toilet and water spewed everywhere because I didn't know to turn it off first and foremost. It took me a few moments of squealing freakish behavior to realize that the only way to stop the water was to turn it off. Sigh.


I'm home, I'm safe, it could have been worse. I was blessed and carried, but not on the golden wings of some magical dove of peace. It was more like, I was carried to hell on earth, a.k.a., my brother-in-law's house, by the dragon of crapworld. "Crapworld" being where my brother-in-law and my 17 yr old nephew live. Two country boys living without a woman. That house was a disaster. No clean dishes, a flea bag dog that refuses to do his business outside, and ugh...I can't continue with the description. I was there for a few days and I spent the entire time cleaning just so it was habitable for myself. Why did I stay there? Because it's just minutes from my house and I needed to be able to drive back and forth to check for the power to be on. I also had to check on my plants because it was extremely hot in here. I also had to come home and completely empty the fridge and freezer on the 2nd day when it was obvious that the food wouldn't make it. I had to do as much as possible to get everything out that could leave an odor or form green fuzz. Essentially, I was cleaning both houses for those days that the power was out.


I wish I could jump up and down and praise God, but for now I'm in that place where I can say, "thank you for what I have been blessed with Lord and that it wasn't worse," but the super praise isn't in me. There's so much uncertainty that it hangs over me like a cloud. I have to make some kind of move to strengthen my faith. I need that boost of faith that always gets me through. I need a refreshing. I need to be strengthened and reassured that "the sorrow may last through the night but the joy comes with the morning." Lord, let the morning arrive soon.