THE MEANING OF LIFE IS...

What is the meaning of life? How many times have I heard that? I figured it out. It's love. The meaning of life is to pour yourself out with love until you're empty and then letting God fill you back up again. How many of us have found an incredible joy that comes with giving of ourselves? That joy that far surpasses getting the new shoes or even the new car. Ya, that's great, new shoes are AWESOME, but the joy only lasts as far as it takes to get them from the store to my house. My floor is scattered with shoes that I saw and said, "I gotta have them." I've been known to go back home from a shopping trip and go back out to town just to get those shoes. And then, there they lay like a big pile of leather and dust. The joy doesn't last and it's certainly meaningless for the brief time that it exists.

But love, now that's a different story altogether. My landlord came up to dig up some seedlings from my yard the other day and even though she's a complete..uh um (clears her throat)..thorn in my side, pain in my "bekind," bur under my saddle, I still get immense joy from helping her carry her tools and helping her do her little deeds. She locked her keys in the trunk and I had to get them out for her. What a complete joy it was to help her. When she left, I was left with that residual joy and love. It's a joy that's with me now as I think back on it. However, if I were to get up and walk into my room and gaze upon those many shoes that I just had to have, I'd feel nothing except the need to arrange them neatly so I don't trip over them.

The meaning of life is love. This is what we're here for. To do whatever it takes to be there for others and show them whatever love they need. To comfort, hug, praise, or encourage. Whatever someone needs. And it can't be done with resentment. If you begrudge the deed you're doing then it's a blemished sacrifice unto the Lord.

I love giving of myself. I also know the difference (through my powers of discernment) between someone who truly needs me and someone seeking to get what they can from a kind person. In that case, I have enough love not play into their game, thereby enabling them. I have enough love not to help them fail at another opportunity to do right for themselves.

I don't let people disgrace or dishonor the love God has placed in my heart. I don't wield it like an ungainly sword, thrashing about hoping to hit anything in my path with a God smack. No, I discern the spirits in men/women. I be attainable, accessible. I'm an "if you need me, I'm here" kind of gal. And I mean it. I don't tell my family or friends to reach out to me so I can say, "let me call you later." I'm the one who turns the t.v. set off and gets somewhere quiet so I can pay close attention. The idea is to make someone know they're loved and what they're saying matters more than my own life or schedule. There's always someone that will try to abuse that goodness and use you as a dumping ground. For those folks, I give them time to rectify their selfishness and if they don't, I move on to people who truly seek love and kindness in a time of need and then appreciate you for being there.

The meaning of life is love. To love and not necessarily seek to be loved. To give without getting. To show the unlovable that they are loved by at least one person. It's a matter of being like unto the Lord and allowing Him free reign. It's a matter of opening the heart to others and understanding that the world doesn't evolve around me. If we couldn't love, we'd have no life and no meaning.

A SIMPLE ACT, A CONFIRMATION, A GIFT OF PEACE

As a mother, there's nothing more reassuring to me then to know both of my children are saved. Today, I was thinking back on my youngest son's life and trying to remember everything that  would give me that confirmation. I've been on my face sobbing today asking God to confirm this for me.

Grant, my son, is 21 and has had a time in life. My ex-husband and I divorced when he was 3 and Grant didn't find his dad again until he was about 15. His dad seemed to stay back in the shadows until Grant wasn't so "needy" anymore and then he emerged with a shout of "I'm dad!"

He has come into Grant's life with pomp and leadership. The effect he has on Grant is profound. He conforms immediately to his dad's will. He even takes on his characteristics. This is probably normal and to be expected. There's some things about his dad that I'd give my big toe if Grant would leave out of his own character. But I don't tell him so. I say all of this to give an idea of how his dad influences him in not so many good ways.

When Grant was 9, I became involved with a man that was pure evil (again, considering the first divorce). We ended up in a shelter. There, some women came to talk to us about Jesus. I had been saved as a little girl but this was Grant's call. He said the prayer of faith, and I wrote down the date on a slip of paper. I still have that slip of paper.

One day, as we were attending service Grant came to me and said, "mom, I want to say the prayer of faith with the preacher. I'd feel better if I did." I ran like the wind to my preacher and told him Grant's words. But, he never came to collect Grant. Something about that day has left a hole in my heart, an empty place where that act should have been. Today, I begged God to give me the confirmation that it wasn't necessary for that man to do anything.

Grant was baptized in that same church by another preacher who came to fill in for the one who quit. The same one who never came to collect a young man with a spiritual need. So, as I wept and longed for peace in this matter, God wasted no time giving me an answer. I was answered within minutes. He showed me the day (just one) that my son got up and walked from the furthest pew in the back of a very long church full of people to the front and knelt at the alter not far from where my seat was (in the front). A deacon came to him immediately and knelt next to my child, my precious beautiful gift from God. And God let me hear the words exchanged between them. Which now, as I reflect on it, shouldn't have been possible. He said to my son, "do you know Jesus?" And my son, without hesitation, lifted his bowed head and looked the man straight in the eye and said, "yes." Only those of us who know God, know that we do and have no doubts, amen? amen! He was a teenager. Appearance was everything. Knowledge was just beginning. And yet, there he was in front of 100s of people kneeling at the alter telling someone "yes, I know Him." I never asked him why he went (it's not for me know).

Grant could never know what it means to me now, that simple word. The deacon who made the choice to join him there and just ask, could never know what it means to me now. We never know what simple acts can mean later down the road. I was never able, in 6 years of faithful attendance in that church, to hear one word passing between a deacon and his charge. Until that day and only then since. Thank you Jesus for remembering before the time came!!

GOD IS NOT A RELIGION

God is not a religion. He's not a well done deed. He's not a well put together outfit. He's not a candle lit every time all the time. He's not a mantra. He's not an act performed for the world to see. He's not a promise to pray. He's not a well-wishing. He's not a handshake. He's not a hymn. He's not a hymn leader. He's not a building with elaborate ornamental design. He's not a building fund. He's not a 10% tithe. He's not a weekly story. He's not a book. He's not a one time gift. He's not a church Rolodex. He's not repeated verses.

God is love. He's a tear for the lost. He's a cry for peace. He's a love print left on the heart. He's a gesture made in desire. He's a word of encouragement. He's a mother's love. He's a hand reaching out. He's an embrace. He's a patient ear. He's a concerned friend. He's a journey to visit. He's a compliment. He's a kept promise. He's a sacrifice. He's an act of love. 

CHRIST'S HEART BEATS IN MY SOUL

I have to post this as evidence of Christ in me! I'm watching a documentary called "Lockup: Inside Riverbend" which is essentially the cameras catching the life inside the prison Riverbend, located in Nashville, TN. I just have to express that I'm weeping and feeling compassion for a young inmate (a mere 21 yrs. old) who violently murdered his aunt because she was the closest thing to killing his mother. A mother who betrayed his love as a child and brutalized him. I'm speaking in the Spirit. Jesus loves him so much. He loves this young man. I love this young man. It's not his fault that his mother hurt him and it's not his fault that he is damaged so much that in his own words, "I have no value on this earth except to be a serial killer and if I'm never getting out of this place, I figure I might as well carry out that plan..to be a serial killer." He's in lock down 23 hours a day. Not because of his crime but because he's violent inside the prison walls. He doesn't know love. He didn't know love. But Love (capitalized to represent Christ and the nature of who Christ is) knows him. I love the young man in spite of what he did. Some would call me as insane as the young man, but I know Christ, and He dictates this emotion. My flesh would hate the young man but I don't operate in the flesh. I operate in the Spirit and the Spirit is of God and God is love! It's the only way I can say to the world that God loves, and if He's inside you then you love the unlovable. Those who know Jesus, know love and understand me with perfect clarity. Those who do not know Jesus have no understanding and therefore no compassion and can't understand what I'm saying or where it even comes from. In closing, I say this, I'd rather be considered insane or crazy for loving this young man than to be cold along with the world and deem him unlovable and condemn him to death or hell.

THE SUN HAS RISEN IN MY SOUL

You never know the oppression you live under until it's been lifted. You never know the right direction to go in until you take that first step. I am experiencing both the freedom and the direction.

Before I took that first step, the devil was in my ear telling me, "no good Christian would ever walk away from the Sunday ritual." That last word "ritual" was the mistake he made with his effort to convince me. I kept saying to myself, "I'm sick of the rituals. They aren't feeding my soul." 

The truth is, only in a few rare churches will the Holy Spirit be allowed to come. I am looking for that church. That's the one for me. The one where there's no routine. Just a gathering of people loving Christ and looking to worship Him and when He comes to inhabit the praises of His people, He's allowed to come! But I'm not running around like a chicken with my head cut off looking and bouncing from service to service. Why not Kell? Because, I'm not putting myself through the disappointment when it turns out to be another dead church.

I love the book of Isaiah!! It's my book. God wrote it for me (and others seeking this particular message). I especially love chapter 58, even though it never seems to be recognized for the truth contained therein. "Is not this the fast that I have chosen?" Isa. 58:6. And He, God, tells us what is an acceptable fast unto Him..."to loose the bands of wickedness, TO UNDO THE HEAVY BURDENS, and to LET THE OPPRESSED GO FREE, and that you BREAK EVERY YOKE." vs. 6. "...to deal your bread to the hungry and bring the poor that are cast out to your house, when you see the naked, you cover him and that you don't hide yourself from your own flesh." vs.7. It says a few more things but I want to skip down to verse 13 which speaks of the sabbath day. Let me tell you what God does NOT say, "go to church." Listen to what he DOES say, "If you turn your foot from the sabbath, from DOING YOUR PLEASURE on my holy day; and call the sabbath a delight, the holy of the Lord, honorable; and shall honor Him, not doing your own ways, nor finding your own pleasure, nor speaking your own words:" and then vs. 14 says, "THEN, shall you delight yourself in the Lord and I will cause you to ride upon the high places of the earth..."

Guess what? That does not mean if you'll make it a habit to go somewhere particular because it's labeled as a godly place to be on a particular day, then I'll accept you and love you. No, in fact, in means just what it says, "if your true heartfelt desire is to be with me on this day instead of in the world doing what you want to do, if you'll extend yourself beyond your own universe to see me and the love I want to share with you, if I become your breath and heartbeat for just a day, then..."

It's important to note that He's looking for our efforts and desires to honor Him. He's not looking for some church doctrine to tell us what to do, and we obey faithfully so as to earn our brownie points. If this is all He had for me then I'd be following all the other robots to church and telling myself that I'm a good Christian and this is how I prove it. I'm not like that in my soul. I know He deserves more than my obedience to church rituals and doctrines. He deserves my all, and my all goes deeper than the surface acts I can perform for others to see.

I've never been more alive than when pouring out of myself to a needy soul. My idea of clothing the naked is wrapping my arms around them or my kind words and taking away their vulnerability with my limited human efforts but letting His infinite love flow through me to complete the job. My idea of feeding the hungry is telling them there's a love greater than any a man or woman can give them and sharing the love of Jesus with them. For truly, the hunger of the soul is the most ravenous.

May be this is what God has for me in particular. I'm not trying to convince the world that church is bad or that people should quit going. Absolutely not!! I'm trying to say that we owe Him more than our presence in church and that being there doesn't make us righteous. I'm trying to say that if you're not alive while in church then may be you're denying the true ministry God has for you.