HE ANSWERED!!

Let me start by saying, I have no idea why my last post and possibly this one have all that space after them. I didn't put that there and I don't like it. It looks like crap. Did you know that you'll get flagged on your local news web page if you use the word "crap" in your comments? ugh. (eyes rolling)

As we know, I've been in a bit of a struggle lately with the church and my attendance and feelings of fear and worry and concern after having left my last church, as I journey through life and figure out where my "place" is.

I was reading Isaiah this morning and God showed me that I'm still ok. I could be better though. As soon as I get back into a good church I think I'll be better.

For now, however, He's speaking to me and encouraging me gently along. In no way am I on the mountain but I'm not in the deepest valley either. Isaiah 34:16 tells me "Seek ye out of the book of the Lord and read: no one of these shall fail....my mouth it hath commanded, and his spirit it hath gathered them." Then over in the 35th chpt and verse 3 He encouraged me in saying, "Strenghthen ye the weak hands, and confirm the feeble knees." vs. 4, "Say to them that are of a fearful heart, Be strong, fear not: behold, your God will come with vengeance, even God with recompense; He will come and save you."

I've also sought word about my living arrangements wherein I've lived in my home for 8 yrs in August and have dealt with A LOT of nonsense from my landlord, including her son tapping into my electricity without asking or ever speaking to me at all. They are currently stealing electricity from me and funneling it into the trailer above me (I live on the mountainside). In Isaiah 36:16, He tells me "eat ye everyone of his vine, and every one of his fig tree, and drink ye every one the waters of his own cistern; until I come and take you away to a land like your own land,..." HALLELUJAH thank you Jesus for that word. Hey people friends! I just found that word as I was typing, but the main thing is that I just asked Him for that word last night!!! I said, "Lord, I can't take much more of this burden and if I don't hear something from you soon, I'm afraid I'm gonna go over the edge and take matters into my own hands and get me out of here!!"

That's not even the scripture I was gonna put there!! I was trying to find somewhere in the 34th or 35th chapters where it said, "I have established you and will keep those who obey my commandments." (paraphrased).

Thank you Jesus for rescuing my broken spirit and giving me a word and encouragement and peace for now!! Glory to God He knows me so well!! I LOVE YOU JESUS!!!

BACK TO THE START

Ok, I wouldn't say life is good but I won't say "kill me now." That's a lie, if I knew that I could commit suicide and God wouldn't mind, I'd be out of here!! I don't say that with sadness and depression..on the contrary...I say that with the complete and utter delight of knowing I will meet my Jesus!! He is everything I look forward to when this journey is over.

Speaking of journeys, I've come to the conclusion that it's time for me to go back to the beginning of my Christian walk and start over without preachers and traditions. I'm going to re-embark on my journey. I'm going to focus my attentions on God's nature and not man's opinions.

It's become quite obvious to me that too many people telling me too many different things about worship and Christianity have muddled the truth for me. I've only become confused and disenchanted. It's time for me to fix this mess.

I give credit to a certain Pentecostal preacher for telling me what it's all about. I was searching and God sent him with the answer. The answer to the question, "how do I live a Christian life?" is "by knowing God through prayer and the yielding of yourself to His marvelous works." This preacher was speaking straight to me in what I perceived to be God's own words. He said, you can't love God by going to seminars and reading 40 chapters of the Bible a day, or dressing a certain way, or attending church regularly.

So, I'm backing up and starting over with a new perspective. I want to serve God in spirit and in truth. I don't want the burdens of religious tradition. If it's "not by might but by my Spirit" then I can't DO anything right.

This is completely off subject but I'm gonna put it out there just in case, I'm finding that ever since downloading the playlist and the little fish tank that my computer is doing weird things like, my mouse isn't responding when I move all the time now, and when I click the enter button on this post the cursor is jumping up to the top of the paragraph and I have to click the mouse to make it move. My computer isn't alerting to any viruses or anything but if there's something downloaded, let this be a warning to anybody else. I'm not too worried yet because I've always had little oddities with blogger posting like having to reset the fonts and colors a lot as I'm typing. I don't know. If you know what it might be, leave a comment please.

joy without pain<>pain without joy

I have absolutely no fear of dying. I'm not scared of it at all!! All I can think about when the subject comes up is, 'I'll be meeting my Jesus!' Yay (and she giggles with delight)

But that doesn't change the fact that I have a job to do while I'm here. I have love to give and people are hurting enough to receive it. I love you hurting, lost, dying, and undone!! I love you crippled and sad. I love you blind and deaf. I love you unlovable.

I can count on half of one hand the people in my life that I really believe have a 'love' for me. If that's all I get, then I accept it as a gift. And a beautiful gift it is!! Love.

I have this little part of me that's bigger than the rest of me. It's my most treasured part. Where forgiveness flows and love is all-consuming. The flowers of my life bloom there, but it's my tears that water them.

One thing I've learned in life, you can't have joy without pain. But you can have pain without joy. As Jesus' disciples said, "This is a hard saying, who can hear it?"

I'VE BEEN TO THE WOODSHED

I'm thankful today that God knows my heart, hears my prayers, works it all out, and does it all for His glory and not my own. I was in the valley. It was reflected in a couple of the blogs I posted recently. I stood against the church. The devil, my enemy, must have been having a good laugh at my expense.

Today's sermon was my trip to the woodshed (as we say in the south about getting a spanking). God flat out told me what He thought of my disrespect of His church. He dealt firmly but lovingly with me.

He told me to go back over my blog and delete the posts that said anything negative about the church. He also told me that He knows why I feel this way about the church I've decided to leave. He made it known that His eye is on things and that He doesn't need my opinions. He told me that I was falling into a dangerous place as a Christian. He gave me the information I need to avoid the sudden impact of apathy and conformity to the world.

I erased those blog posts and I apologize to anyone who may have already read them. I can't remember the exact words the preacher used but I know that my words weren't helping anyone, they were hurting in fact. I was sitting in a place of judgement. Not my seat to take.

It's not my place as a Christian to stand against the church. I must stand with my people even when I don't agree. This is my lesson to be learned as to how easily the devil is able to divide and conquer.

The primary thing for me to know is that God has been with me through this entire journey into the valley. He brought me back out and He did it quickly. I'm here to say that He couldn't have done that if I had decided in my heart that I was right and couldn't be wrong. I knew if I left myself open He would work it out and reveal the truths to me that I might not see. It didn't take long for God to do a new thing.

This blog post is my way of acknowledging God's abilities to work and move in the hearts of His children when they're yielded. This is my public statement against the devils abilities to oppress, depress, or suppress God's children for any length of time. He'll always try, but God always wins. It sounds weak but I never claimed to be a writer.

It always hurts to take a spanking. Nobody willingly goes to the woodshed. But the blessing I've received today is immeasurable. The joy that has returned to me is invaluable. The peace that is flowing through me is like a river. The new knowledge I've gained is only attainable through the works of the Holy Spirit. I can only say it as it seems to me to be....God worked so hard to help me and save me and guide me back to Him and out of the darkness. He loves me so much!!! He loves you the same. If you don't know Him, go to the bottom of the page and say the prayer and you'll get the same kind of blessings in your own life that I got in mine.

 

THE MIRACLE OF LIFE

My angel-baby grandson is sleeping soundly right now. As I stood over his crib and watched his little back rise and fall, I was struck by the life in him. His little body no bigger than the length of my arm. His tiny heart pumping life throughout his tiny body. I'm in awe. Absolute awe. His life began because the lives of his parents began because the lives of their parents began, and so on. Where did that first spark of life begin? Life was passed into my grandson by life. I'm having the warmest feeling, and there is the biggest smile on my face right now. The thought of the miracle that is life. I can feel the reality of it but I can't articulate. He's sleeping without a care in the world. His tiny fat legs pulled up to his belly and his little fat hands are balled up on both sides of little shoulders. He's warm and peace-filled. He's making little wheezing sounds with every exhale. Just thought I'd share my moment of awe.