"BE YE NOT CONFORMED"

It's Sunday and I stayed home. I didn't feel the slightest pull to go to church this morning. I did, however, log on to a website and watch a sermon that blessed me. 

That's not what I'm called to do though. I'm called to have fellowship with other believers. Today, God spoke into me why. I already knew pretty much why, but He told me in a different more sure way. 

He said, "Daughter, when you're apart from others in the Kingdom, you are vulnerable and weak. You aren't as strong in your faith or abilities to act on my behalf. It's the same as the lion which stalks the herd for the weak, young, or injured. He will prey upon you without the protection of the others. There's strength in numbers and you must get back within the group."

I don't argue this point. It's absolutely true! I feel every word He said. The little things are beginning to weigh too heavily. I'm losing my temper. I'm doubting the church instead of standing with them.

It's typical of the enemy to whisper negative things and accuse the brethren. He has begun this trickery. If you read my blog for the last couple of posts, you'll see a decline in my praise. I went from "Hallelujah" to speaking of the failures of the church. But there's victory in the Lord and He won't let the enemy take one. We can't be plucked from His hand.

My heart is willing. It's time for God to do a new thing in me. I'm not done with service to the Lord and I can't go back into the world. But I'm not going back to that church. I'm ready to move forward and find a place of worship and the moving of the Holy Spirit. I'm ready to be swept up in the joy of being with my people. I'm not going until He shows me where and tells me when. I know other people will disagree but there's one scripture in the entire Bible that God uses consistently when dealing with me and my desire to be in the right church, despite the protests of preachers who think they hold the key to my spiritual success. "Work your own salvation out with fear and trembling."

The religion and tradition is what's destroying the church. Case in point..I found a blog wherein the writer is speaking scripture with every breath. The entire blog is "Jesus, prayer, do the works of the Lord, be this, be that." But when I made contact and assured the webmaster that I would pray for his requests and mentioned my own struggles and need for prayer, the reply I got was selfishly centered around meeting his demands for his needs and prayers and no mention was made of acknowledging my needs as a sister in Christ. This person didn't even know my heart was beating but was full of expression for the Lord. That's not our Jesus. Our Jesus sees outwardly.

Yes, I know that's only one person. That's the only story I'm telling. It's not the only incident I've run into. People are hiding behind Jesus, not living Him. There's too many blogs that are loaded from top to bottom with scriptures and the person's interpretations of those scriptures. There's widgets everywhere and little icons all representing Christ. But nobody is posting the prayer of salvation in hopes God will lead the lost to say it and receive Him. (There's one at the end of this page). I see the devil working to blind people as to what faith and works is.

I can't be conformed to this world but I feel like I have to fight conformity in the church as well. I can't be religious. I can't go through the motions. I'm not satisfied with this. I'm outraged that I'm sitting here at home on a Sunday and I already know not to expect a visit or phone call from the members of my church. I have to look towards greater things in God. A greater love and greater move. I'm waiting for the moment when God says, "GO." 

"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

THE FAITH OF A CHILD

God of my soul and the light that shines from within me, give me the faith of a child! Show me that it's ok to trust you. Teach me that it's all about letting go and letting you do what you know is best for me. Show me that it's well worth it to jump off the side of the pool into your waiting arms and that the water is cool and I'll be safe. Help me to find my way down the path I've set my foot to. Just because I can see with my eyes that I'm here, that doesn't mean it's the right place for me to be. Faith in you will lead me onto and keep me on the right path. Give me that innocent trust that allows me to just say, "ok, I'll do it because you say so, God." When I wake in the first light of the day you give me, help me to see the beauty all around me. Let the moment I put my feet on the floor be the moment I am ready for your directions and guidance. Don't let my life be full of religion and traditions that would cloud my spiritual senses. Let me to see the act of worshipping you as I would see the act of picking a flower to give to my mom. Let my life be a simple act of giving to you. Teach me that I can give every part of my life to you and trust it in your hands. Show me that there's a right way to love and a wrong way to think of love. Show me the light and the glory of your essence and make me to know that's it's you I experience in a world such as this. Teach me about your heart. Teach me what touches you and show me how to attain to that knowledge. Take me back to the beginning of my soul and teach me how to love you afresh. Help me Lord to be who you created me to be! Show me how it is that your ways are higher than my ways. Show me how it is that your thoughts are not my thoughts. Give me every chance to say I'm sorry. Let me pick a flower for you Lord. If you'll hold out your arms, I'll jump! Give me the faith of a child so that I can jump!!!!

CONCERNS AND AFFIRMATIONS

Since my blog is about my walk with Jesus, I feel obligated to chronicle my ups and downs. It's for myself. I don't even see that anyone is reading my blog. This is confusing to me. Where is everybody? Am I supposed to "edit HTML" to get traffic or something? It's like my blog is the only one nobody is joining or reading but I've seen 1,000 other blogs just like mine and they have 75 members. Hm. Anyway, I've missed 4 straight weeks of Sunday service and I have to admit that I can see the difference. I'm downtrodden and concerned. I don't feel wrong with God but I feel like something is amiss. People might ask, why don't you just pick up and go to a new church? Because I'm not built that way. I'm reclusive and I've always been this way. I can walk up to a stranger with a big ole smile and cheerful heart and feel confident speaking to them, but as a rule, it's not really in me. Especially when you're talking about interjecting oneself into a big crowd of total strangers. Some people fit in without a problem. I'm an unusual person in that I'm bold and outspoken when I have a conviction. If you say or do something in my presence that's unacceptable or unkind, etc., I'm definitely gonna speak out against your actions. Since most of this country is full of the "coddling kind" I don't fit in very well. People tend to expect the coddling. They expect that you're not gonna "be rude." Well, I will be "rude" if you're talking smack about another race, or treating your child like crap. So, suffice it to say, after a brief period of time, people find that I'm not the "coddling kind" and I will say things that make them a wee bit uncomfortable. This is my personality. I don't insult people, but I speak out against bad behaviors. So what?! This is one of the joys of being a recluse. There's not many people in my life and not many people knocking down my door to get into my life. I'm kind of freed up to speak my mind without the fear of losing acquaintances. They're already "losed"lol.. I got off track didn't I? I still find my thoughts coming back to the fact that God could possibly be preparing to do a new thing in my life. I watched an awesome preacher, Jonathan Wiggins, of the Resurrection Fellowship Church or Rez, in Loveland, CO., and he preached a sermon on the day I was questioning myself that fit my circumstances to a tee. Just like God to send a word in due season though. He said that God told him to tell His people that scripture was being twisted. I kind of knew that already which is why I question everything. The Corinthian verse "forsake not the assembling of one another as the manner of some is," doesn't mean "go to church and make an appearance." AHA!!!! I was right all along you pew warmers!! He said the Lord dropped it into him to tell us that He expects us to come bearing gifts to one another and to Him if there's no opportunity to give it away to your fellow man. Gifts such as the tongues and interpretation of such. Healing. Prophecy. I've always questioned the teaching of church attendance being mandatory or a command. I know darn well that the Bible doesn't say that. I never take a man's word for anything. If a man stands to have his paycheck given by people in a church congregation, there's a high likelihood that he'll preach this doctrine. Not certain, but likely. Some are corrupt that way. Anyway, the Lord confirmed through that message that I haven't been sinning against Him by missing service. Thank you so much Lord, thank you. What peace of mind that gives me. I've got to find my way though.

A GREAT STRUGGLE

It has finally happened. I knew when I started attending this little Baptist church that the spirit of Ichabod was upon it and that if I didn't get out, the quenching of the Holy Spirit would be inevitable. Now, I'm in one of the biggest struggles of my spiritual life. This is a great life's lesson for me. If you walk in the door and the service doesn't move you, neither do people worship nor praise, GET OUT!! That's not the church for me. I go to church to worship and praise God WITH others. Not for them. Not next to them. It's not supposed to be on one shoulder alone.  I need them to hold me up and that way I can be strong to hold them up as well. We're supposed to hold each other up and give each other the refreshing and strength to go on in the service of the Lord. If that's not the design of the church then what is? Jesus preached on the hillsides. Paul preached in letters from prison. The building isn't the point. That's just a roof from the cold and rain while a man of God speaks. We can have church under a bridge. I'm extremely distressed. The thought of starting all over is crushing for me. I don't want to pick up and move to another church. That's not my style. I'm not a socialite. I like the stability and security of attending the same church. But this one is destroying me. It's not that they're doing something "to" me necessarily. It's what isn't happening. When the Holy Spirit comes to a preacher during preaching and he won't allow what needs to take place, he's quenching the Spirit. When he quenches the Spirit, the move doesn't happen and the room is thick with agenda. That to me, means that the preacher will continue speaking the words he planned. Instead of opening his mouth and letting God speak through him. That's just racket. He has become "a tinkling cymbal and a sounding brass" to me. I've been up here a year and can't remember one thing that man ever said. But 8 yrs ago, I can remember a preacher leaping from behind the pulpit and landing 5 steps down and in front of that pulpit under the move of the Holy Spirit. I, myself, have screamed at the top of my lungs and jumped from my seat and bounced around the aisle like a Mexican jumping bean under the move of the Holy Spirit. I had no control of myself. That's just one occasion wherein the Spirit took hold of me and others. You don't do what you want in those moments. No "self-respecting" person would behave like I did. I wouldn't EVER do that in public. But when the Holy Spirit moves you, you just move. That was then and this is now.  I can't even sense a tear in this church. I need a major revival in my soul or I'm afraid of what's gonna happen to me. Why do I talk as if this is out of my control? Because in a way it is. This is the weakness of the flesh. This is the lack of strength. I can't pick me back up without God's help. I just can't. If I could, I would. It's like saying, "I can spoon feed myself without arms." He's the one holding me up and without Him, I starve. I need Him to indwell me, pick me up, revive me, renew, refresh, and set me back on a new path. I trust this will all change. I believe that it's more likely that He's doing a new thing than to simply believe that I'm a weak loser that can't just pick up and go. Since I've given God Lordship over my life, I have to trust that one day, I'll know what to do. I've got to hang in there. I've got to trust Him. But I can't lie and say I'm not a bit worried. I think part of my worry is that the church teaches "attendance is vital." But Jesus never said, "go to church" after healing people in the streets. Does anyone know what it is that He said more times than not? He said, "Go thy way, thy faith hath made thee whole." Where in that sentence do people get, "go to church"? To me, in my studies of God's word, it's just not in there. All of my hard labor in studying this concept of attending church by command hasn't yielded that truth. My studies have shown that people went to church to pay tithes, once a year. They went in observance of a Holy tradition, or in some verses it flat out tells me that they went "seeking the Lord." Nowhere in there does it say, "God commands thee to go to church faithfully or you're not considered right with Him." That's a lie. In fact, the Bible says, "not by might, but by my Spirit." I can't work for this. My butt in that pew doesn't mean anything to God accept that I'm working for something or seeking something. It doesn't put me in "good standing." I don't want people telling that to me. I know what the Bible says and that's where I'm getting my information. Sigh...anyway, I'm holding on and I feel better just getting it out. God bless me.

HOW DO YOU KNOW IT'S REAL?

After watching a PBS program about Jesus and who He was, I started reading some of the comments people posted. Some ranting and raving about how foolish the believer is to believe. Why do people think that we're foolish to believe in God? The number one answer is, "You can't see Him. How do you know He's real?" To that I would have to ask the question, "What is it that keeps a bus from running over you when you step out into the street?" or "How did that lion NOT kill you just then?" (I know, what kind of question is that!?!). But the point is, there are these circumstances happening to us in this life, and sometimes people survive these incredible deadly circumstances and we ask, "How?" A lost person will say, "fate," or "destiny," "happenstance." Just any number of explanations for how and why they weren't killed. But yet they'll question me if I say, "God! He saved me alive." We get this reaction, "GOD!?! How can you believe in something you can't see?" And yet, here we are, having a conversation wherein you believe in something you can't see as well, "Chance, it saved me alive." "Destiny, it saved me alive." "Fate, it saved me alive." I would have to challenge you on that. How can you believe that "chance" saved you? After all, you can't see it. How do you know it's real?