We all have a choice to believe in something, I choose to believe in God!

Friday, April 18, 2014


I begin my writing with an update on my oldest son. Last we heard he was just completing the police academy and entering his job as a law enforcement officer. He was there all of two or three months when his Air Force career took precedent and he was deployed. How do you like that, the child fights his entire life to be a cop, and as soon as he makes it, he's done. He had to quit because he won't be there for 6 months, although they assure him that his position or one like it could still be available upon his return and that he can keep the hope alive. He left America on March 16th, 2014 and isn't likely to return before September. We only hope that date isn't as tentative as we think it is. Nothing is what it seems in the military. Dates change constantly.

I'm nearing the end of another semester, this time World Civilization II and Composition I. I'm doing well in both courses but that's by choice. There's no legitimate reason that I can see why any student would enter college and then fail themselves. I never did understand that mentality. If you're going to start, then finish. I suppose college isn't for everyone and what seems like a good idea at the onset quickly shows itself in a more realistic light and the struggles are too much for some students. Understandable if you're working a full time job and trying to go to school full time. Wow, what dedication!

My youngest son is still "my little troubled one." I hear from him and then I don't for months. It just makes me appreciate contact when I get it. I really really like him, my youngest son, Grant. He's such a nice guy and we have so much fun around each other. I love to annoy him and he loves it when I do. Don't let him kid ya'.

My grandson is the bomb! Liam, Liam, Hungry Liam, that's we call him sometimes hehe. There's a child's book on the market called "The Hungry Caterpillar," or something like that so we just adapted it to Liam. He's a veggie eating fool, that one. Loves his carrots and broccoli. The way I see it is if you never introduce junk food to them, they never know what they're missing. Therefore, there's no reason to ever give your children cookies, cakes, candy, coke, etc., give them fruits and veggies and that's what they'll learn to love and desire. At the very least, make the former items a treat and not a staple of their diet.

My health has deteriorated. My spinal deficiency has deteriorated to the degree that I have a herniated cervical disk now. I'm not surprised, remember, the doctor that diagnosed me told me this would cripple me someday. I'm in constant pain, suffering with numbing of the hands, prickly feelings, aching and throbbing in the right side of my shoulder and arm. Even stepping hurts as it jars the spine. I'm having a hell of a time concentrating in class and sleeping at night. I'll be seeing a neurosurgeon in May, although I'm not sure why my doctor is sending me to a neurosurgeon but that's what she thinks I need so, let's start there.

My anti-depression therapy has bombed. It hasn't pulled me up enough. I had an early onset of improvement but I think it was more due to power of suggestion than actual chemical rearrangement in the brain. I think I was hoping it would help me so I adopted some thoughts about it that tricked me into thinking I was happier. May be I saw a few extra good videos that month or heard more jokes than usual and got a giggle or two more. Either way, I'm still down in this hole and fighting to stay alive. I'm fighting to hide it from family and friends so I don't burden people. Sometimes I think that's the worst part. I don't want my son to worry and him on the other side of the world. I don't want my younger son to feel obligated to call more to see if I'm still alive. I'll sort it out on my own but I'll be seeing a Psychiatrist to get a more professional assessment and regulate the medication this month. My poor old family doctor feels like such a failure.

There we have it. Kelline's life, what a ride!

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