We all have a choice to believe in something, I choose to believe in God!

Thursday, April 12, 2012


Why do people become addicted? I find this answer to be quite simple. Because the weight of our humanity is a burden not easily bore. For Christians, it's heavier than for most. For, we know where we will go when we die which makes the knowledge of what we endure of greater weight. The stories abound of this place called "Paradise," stories told by people who have died and lived to return with assurance of a wonderful release waiting for those who believe in the Son of God. Thus, the flesh and it's reality is a heavy weight to be drug around like a body-sized millstone.

When we are in this flesh, it's a coffin. We are encased in this tiny capsule of anguish. The bones begin to creak, the teeth begin to decay, the sight and hearing begins to dim. We struggle against the impending doom. It's a slow decline and we feel all of it taking place. It doesn't come suddenly. Although life is but a blink of an eye and a withering grass of the field, it takes it's own path and time to wither.

Addiction brings relief of sorts. It's a way of escape. If one has struggled with heartache all their life, then they're the ones who drink, or find another drug to lift the spirits or hide the pain. If it's a physical disadvantage, then one seeks out the things that will take that physical discomfort away. What ensues, upon the initial discovery of relief, is the desire to continue chasing this new found bliss. Oh, to escape just once more.

It took me 22 long years to stand face to face with both of my struggles. Both depression and a deteriorating spinal deficiency that brings excruciating pain and suffering. I fought to drive it off with substance for years. What I finally came to realize is that nothing will ever really fix me except death. The blessed release. I will be free then. But until then, I must put one foot in front of the other as best I can and forget about trying to live without pain and suffering, for I am convinced that it is not God's will that we should sit back and relax and enjoy full bliss on this side of eternity.

This is the time to work, sweat, lament, struggle, and to suffer with our Lord and Savior. We are not, despite those false doctrines taught, to live the good life in this flesh. We are not meant to enjoy those things we are yet to inherit. "The Spirit itself bears witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God: and if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with Him, that we may be also glorified together." Romans 8:16-17

                      HALLELUJAH, HALLELUJAH, HALLELUJAH!!!!!

I've often heard southern Baptist preachers say, "if you're a Christian, you should be the happiest person in the world." That's the least Christian thing we can do. If you see with the eyes to see , all the suffering around you, then how can you be happy? If you live in the same flesh I do, then the only way you're going to feel complete joy and bliss is if you spend your entire life serving yourself and pouring all you have into yourself. Even then, it's not true joy or bliss but just a kind of it. A false representation of the real thing waiting for us in our "rest."

I will not be told by one more false prophet that I'm meant to never suffer in this flesh nor experience the heartache of anothers downtrodden life. I have heard many television evangelists tell people that it's God's will that everyone be healed and that every affliction be healed and that none should ever be sick and it's of the devil and we have the power to cast it out and be well. Perhaps that's true and I believe in some of this. But I think there's too much of man in the scriptures and it's stealing the light of truth. 

We were meant to suffer now and rest then. We were meant to give up all of the those comforts that make us feel so good. Our cushy lives, perfect furnishings that "make life easier." Remote control everything, or push button this and that. But that serves only oneself and diminishes what Christ did and what His life meant as pertaining to the pouring out of oneself for the benefit of another. "If any man will come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it. For what is a man advantaged, if he gain the whole world, and lose himself..." St. Luke 9:23-25.

To me, the scriptures speak of us giving up those things which please us and make our lives so "worth living." I say to you, I wish for my life to come to it's full end. I don't want to stay here forever. I don't want to keep going and going, withering further. I want to be for my Father in this life and be used by Him. But that's the thing that makes my life worth living. 

Can you feel love coming from me? Do you feel a warmth or a sincerity in my presence? Do you believe me when I say, "I love you?" That's what it's all about. It's not about seeking out ways to make me feel better or to give myself that which is greater. It's about the outpouring. It's about the love for others so much so that I hurt. 

I am tired. I hurt. What would it be like to not be aware of this flesh? I do not know that answer anymore. I did once. I knew what it felt like to be free of it for just awhile and though my face smiled and my personality was quirky and fun, my spirit was dark and my heart was cold. I saved myself and lost my own life. When I gave it all up and took up my cross, that's when the physical pain began, however, the light began to shine within me and my smile came from the inside out instead of the outside in.

There's no need to seek out those things that I once sought. I wouldn't water down my love or quench the Spirit within me. I wouldn't disgrace the name of my God by using this mouth to curse and to bless, as if a fountain can bring forth both bitter and sweet water at the same time.

I will hurt until the day I die. But the release that comes at the end will make it seem as if it never was. "For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us." Romans 8:18 


  1. Wow!!!!! I'm so sorry for your excruciating pain and depression. I love your statement, "when we are in this flesh, it's a coffin" so very true and it binds us so much to this current "worldliness" and not "Holiness."

    Oh, to escape just once more: What I have found that is a lot of depression goes undiagnosed. Especailly in men who are more reluctant to see a doctor about depression, and the stigma attached. Soom folks don't want to take meds at all and use food and alcohol to "feel better, and cope" and others can't take enough pills/alcohol/etc. when addicted......Women tend to get help because we are the care givers of the world and want to make everyting ok. One will self madicate with alcohol, prescription drugs, illegal drugs, and many other things not mentioned. I must add food in here for I know I indulge in food to mask my emotional pain and to reduce the sufferings from bullying at work. To feel comfortable, better able to go on, to forget the bad, to not hurt anymore, food is a comfort to me, but only for a short amount of time. It isn't His will for me to patch up myself in this manner.
    Ever how one chooses to self-medicate, it is detrimental to serving Christ and being the servant He wants from us to glorify Him and the kingdom. We can't do His work if we are busy self medicating and hiding behind masks. Spending all our time making ouselves feel better, cushy, comfortable, self-absorbed.

    I am blessed by your statement: "We were meant to suffer now and rest then." You have revealed to me that the current suffering I am under will be replace with other sufferings in the future for we all have trials and tribulations of all kinds and pretty much all the time. It's how we respond/react to the sufferings that shows what we believe in Christ.

    Kelline, this is awesome!!! I appreciate your insight and truthfulness. You will be lifted up in prayer today. Your awesome at writing and thanks for sharing your heart with me.

    1. Hi Lady Flamingo, I want to thank you with my whole heart for coming by and leaving a comment that's centered around a real connection. "It isn't His will for me to patch up myself in this manner." That's a great statement! It took me a long time to come to that realization as well. I'd rather suffer than mask it all. The one thing you said here that really bothers me, for you, is the comment about bullying at work. Is someone being mean to you sweety? I exhort you to stand up in the name of Jesus and take back the battle! Turn the tides! Don't let ANYONE mistreat you because you're an heir to the Kingdom, a Princess, More than a Conqueror, a Victor not a victim, and there's nothing you choose in this direction that God won't uphold! He gets the glory and we get the victory!! Go to the higher ups, transfer out of that department, confront them with love and tell that person it hurts you and use those heartfelt words as a form of conviction. I've been bullied. And it took one strong statement to put an end to it. You can too!! Don't abide in that Lady Flamingo!! We were no more meant to be mistreated and hurt than to patch ourselves up with food or medication to our detriment. I too, will be praying for you dear sister! I will see you on your blog soon and may your day be blessed richly and sweetly with the presence of the Most High God!!

  2. Hi there Kelline! Love the title, "To Inherit the Glory". Also the line of, "When we are in this flesh, it's a coffin. We are encased in this tiny capsule of anguish". It is so true. Coffin, prison. For me it's the temptations of the flesh. I have pondered this in the past, "God why did you put us in a body of flesh?" While I don't know the full answer, I do have a partial understanding. Not only is there satan to contend with and overcome by our will. We also have a the basic sinful evil nature to overcome by our will. When we overcome sin, it's like we are telling God that we love Him more.
    Because I believe even before Satan was, there was evil. I think there had to be evil for Satan to chose to be evil. Evil to want to become like God in his pride.
    Like you said Kelline in so many words, keep your eye on the prize.

    1. Well said!! Especially the comment, "When we overcome sin, it's like we are telling God that we love Him more." It's exactly like that. Lord, I want to give in to my flesh and do all I can to comfort myself, but I will resist that urge and choose You. Trusting that You know what I need before I do and shall supply all my needs according to Your riches in glory by Christ Jesus. And evil was here for satan to choose. You got that right. It's written and I wish I knew the exact place but I've read it with my own eyes that God created good and evil with a plan and purpose in mind. It's all His!!! I see the prize sis, I'm going for it, lol!!! Race ya!


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