We all have a choice to believe in something, I choose to believe in God!

Friday, May 11, 2012


It's hard to know what to believe in with so many doctrines and so many scientific facts floating around these days. Science has atheists believing in evolution while the Bible is the basis for religion and faith. In fairness to all religions, not just the Bible for all, but each faith's own scriptures or ancient artifacts.

What it is that makes each of us lean in one direction or another we may never truly know. I can speak for myself in saying that I have felt a strong, loving, guiding, presence my entire life. I was a little girl of 8 in Florida when my mother took myself and my big brother to church. There I met Jesus. Only, I don't remember meeting Him. As I grew up, I knew there was a presence with me at all times. I didn't realize it in the early years as much as I realize it in retrospect.

Once I hit 16 years old, the wild in me took over and I lost my way. I stayed in this "wild" condition for about 22 years. I was everything a father wouldn't want his daughter to be. But, I managed to survive things that should have killed me. I somehow slid past obstacles that should have slowed my life to a snail's pace. As I regard my life, it's clear to me that coincidence and luck go only so far and then there's the unexplainable.

I remember being in a stupor once and the only thing I could think of or speak out of my mouth was a song I had never sung, nor would think of singing for any reason whatsoever (being a wild child subsisting on rock-n-roll) and that was the song, "Amazing Grace." 

As the darkness closed in around me that day, I clung to sanity. From somewhere beyond me came this light into my soul. A light that beckoned me to stay...here....in my life. The light wasn't audible nor was it anything I could see, touch, smell, or feel. It was a knowing. This light gave me this song to sing and gave me the voice to sing it with. It was as if I was made to sing and made to sing that song on that day, as if I had an audience of millions. It flowed from me. With every word I sang, the darkness crept back a little more, until suddenly the light of the true day broke through and I knew I was going to survive my own foolishness. Something changed in me that day. It was the beginning of a long and arduous journey back from the dark.

All I can say is that, I didn't make this journey alone. All obstacles seem to melt away before me and great blessings have been poured out on me. I have felt "someone" helping me, guiding me, speaking truth and wisdom into me in the most amazing of ways. 

In closing I'll say this, I didn't want to return from that place of darkness but was hoping to keep going into the abyss, and so no one can tell me that all the good things that happened were just by-products of my deep-seeded desire to get clean and recuperate. It's not my plan that's being played out in my life.


  1. I am so glad you are here Kelline......your testimoney gives me hope to trudge on......seeing a sliver of light is most adequate to begin rising above the darkness. Love you Sister, Lady Flamingo

    1. I do not want to be here T. If I said I do, I would be lying. This life has not been good to me. I am strong from without. I don't pull this strength from within myself. I have to cry out from my own depths for it and hope my soul's cries are heard. So far, they have been. Atheists would say I'm an ignorant woman that doesn't know I'm just talking to myself, but like I said, I am aware of a presence. Thank you for your love Lady Flamingo.

  2. very well written my friend...such an inspiration, an testimony how God moves us and how God is there even in our lowest of times and how we only hear God talks to us when we are in that darkest place...i was the same...but i know I got out of it, but still being "me" often calls for condemnation and a feeling of still in the dark ....is there a reason why God made me this way? is it really a sin to be "different" when God does not make any mistakes?

    1. Carlo, my precious brother, I do not believe in questioning how we are made anymore. I don't believe you should burden yourself with such things. I believe you are alive and living and must live a life that is fully your own. Be true to yourself and do good in the world. Let God sort it out. Don't feel judged for who you are. It would be like me saying to myself, "the world thinks blondes are stupid air-heads and so I must be a mistake." You are judged from without and not from within. Why would God waste His time worrying about sexual preferences and the like when those things pertain to our flesh which passes away? The Bible says He judges the hearts of men. Let your heart remain pure and you will be fine! I pray for you to find your peace. I hope I've encouraged you. I'm still here if you need me :-) Love to you my friend!


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