We all have a choice to believe in something, I choose to believe in God!

Saturday, April 21, 2012

THE FLAME OR THE EMBER

In reading others blogs about Jesus, church, and faith..I find myself returning to the issue I've had all along. The issue of religion or as I am calling it..a runaway train. It seems to run everything spiritual down that is in it's path.

All of those years I devoted to the church should have been the ties that bind me to the congregation, my family. How does one start out so full of fire and end up yawning their way through their service among the body? Easily...religion. It quenches the spirit and kills the life. It's the bushel basket that isn't supposed to be placed over the flame.

My fire is back but it burns in a different window now. I have simply moved my "candle." God knows my heart and He knows my struggles. He's walked with me right out the door of the church (the building not the faith). There's a difference between being convicted and knowing you're being convicted but suppressing it so you don't have to feel it. I haven't had to suppress it because it never came. God hasn't convicted me (and Christians know it when He does) of not attending Sunday service...not once. I think it's possible that it's part of my journey and He will use this just like He used my time serving in the church.

There's much to be said for the time I was there. Many children came to Jesus because I chose to obey. But just like that road seemed to materialize under my feet, a new path has materialized as well. I have to walk this out or I am not true to myself nor to the Holy Spirit within me.

This is a deep well of my life. I hear the enemy trying to call me back in. How do I know it's him? Because I know that what started out as a beautiful fire became quenched embers the longer I remained. Why would God have me in a place that leads me further and further from the truth? He wouldn't. That leaves one other entity or force pulling me back. The enemy and none other.

Last night, as I was completing my evening bed time rituals I became aware of a sudden rush of freedom. I knew my heart ached for the things of the Kingdom however, I didn't feel that bondage to the rituals that I had once believed were the only keys that fit the lock of that door. I use to follow a stringent routine of rituals. Bible study at 8...prayer at 9....life...prayer....life....Bible....life...prayer...bed. For all of that I felt empty and entirely unfulfilled. I was happy but not complete.

I have since that time put away those rituals and left inspiration up to God. Call me Father. Call me unto thee. I will come. And call me He has. Sometimes He calls me at 5 and sometimes at 7. Sometimes He calls me in the wee hours and sometimes He doesn't call for long periods. But when He speaks to me, I hear His voice because it's not mingled with man's. 

I don't hear the voice of a man telling me "once saved always saved." I hear my Father warning that there will be a great falling away and that, "it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted of the heavenly gift, and were made partakers of the Holy Ghost, and have tasted the good word of God, and the powers of the world to come, if they shall fall away, to renew them again unto repentance; seeing they crucify to themselves the Son of God afresh, and put Him to an open shame." Hebrews 6:4-6.

I assume that anyone who wants to argue that scripture's validity with me would be reading from a translation that uses the comfortable words that people seek out. Just like the church doesn't teach that there's a hell because it's not comfortable for their congregants, they move the words around in the newer translations to form scriptures that don't even resemble the earlier translations. Why take a scripture that is self explanatory such as, "Jesus wept," and change it to say, "Jesus cried." What's the point in that? It says He wept, so let Him weep.


I will end this saying with, I am called of my Father and not of man. I won't be summoned to a building because man says it's the way of the Christian. I know of only one way to be...in Christ. I reiterate what I've said many times before, Jesus never healed one person and said, "now, you get yerself into a good Bible believin church." He said, and I quote, "go thy way." "Thy way" isn't anyone elses except for mine. I will walk with Jesus and if it means walking alone with Him then so be it. If I can't satisfy my need for corporate worship because the church doesn't uphold sound doctrine anymore, then so be it. I'll deal with it when I get home and He will deal with me.










10 comments:

  1. I stepped out of a church I had been attending for 19 years a couple of years ago. I had been involved big time with adult bible studies, led an all awomen's SS Class for years, chairman this, volounteer that, ushered for 12+ years, unlocked the doors, made coffee. ........
    We got a knew pastor and I didn't agree with the his "leading" and as I continued to dig and figure out what he was teaching and saying to the congregants, I was appalled. I would cry getting ready for church, driving to church, during church, after church.....It bothered me that bad. He does not believe in Hell and says that everyone will go to Heaven among other "universailism thoughts" that I don't want to subliminally be subjected to thwart my years of study and beliefs. I had been through several bible studies and had pretty well got my head on straight as to my beliefs and scripture. I could not sit there and hear what I was hearing and keep sitting there!!! I had no choice but to leave. And in leaving, I also left my dad in the pew without me. That's the hardest part. He told me to do what I felt led to do and I had to leave.
    Not only are you right about the church only wants a comfortable message, the church no longer takes care of it's own flock anymore. They are so busy being busy!! Anything to not get out of their comfort zone.
    So I shopped around for another church. The 3rd one I thought would be my new home. This pastor is awesome, scripture is his life, he leads bible studies and is Spirit filled. However, the congregants do not reach out to newbies, you can't break the solid binds that tie those core members, the congregation doesn't inlcude all. I went 3 months without attending and not one person touched base with me. So, now i'm not so geared up about organized relgion and completely understand where you are coming from. I know people that can't drive, can't get out due to illness, etc., can't make it to church and your right, it's all about our hearts. I can minister more to others (and all inclusively) away from the church better than I can sitting in the middle of the sanctuary full of sheep that have a blind eye and a deaf ear to hear the word of God. Thanks Sister. Hope to catch up soon with you on your loss.

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    1. Then you are going through what I've went through. Everything I ever knew was challenged by false doctrine. It's true that we need to know the word of God for ourselves lest we be misled. The blind leading the blind. God will deal with me. No longer is it a vital part of my life to maintain the rituals alongside the others. And I see you got the same treatment from the core members of a church as I did. I was there YEARS and they did that to me. How are ones such as ourselves supposed to feel when the doctrine says "love thy neighbor" and "bear ye one anothers burdens" but you're not really considered a neighbor and your burdens seem too heavy for them to try to bear. I give credit where credit is due in saying that not every church is like this. But I'm not hunting anymore. I came to church by divine invitation in the first place and I will wait for the invite again. God will reach into my life and take my hand and lead me to the place I belong. Until He works this out, I'm not having anything to do with it. I stand firm in my convictions that I belong somewhere and not just anywhere because some preacher says so. Obviously, listening to what the preacher says hasn't yielded the results promised. Truly our faith is in God. Thanks for coming by "Lady Flamingo" and commenting as well. Talk with you soon, dear.

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  2. You know I am walking right beside you Kelli. Love you.

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    1. HI ANGE!!!! I'm so happy to "see" you!!! Please do walk with me...we definitely understand each other, you and I. Welcome to the blogosphere. Make sure to tell me how that new thing is working in your life. If it works for you, I'll try too. Love you!!!

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  3. I've just spent 15 mins responding to this post and with one miss click it all went away. I think my Keyboard must have a something going on with it. I don't have the heart to retype it now. Lets just say I feel for you and I hope you find what your looking for if and when you ever decide to go looking.

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    1. Thank you Russ, for the understanding in place of critical Christian judgement. The one verse I cling to as I walk this particular path is, "work out your own salvation with fear and trembling." I am fearful. Afraid that He's signalling me His displeasure and I'm suppressing it somehow so as to achieve my own goals or so as to stay in my comfort zone. Truly it is uncomfortable to be where you don't feel like those around you are genuine or even care too much for you. No such thing as bearing my burdens. One thing I've learned, as long as I hold fast to my faith and stay with God and keep Christ the center of my life, I will end up where I belong. Thank you for coming by Russ, God bless you :-)

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  4. Thanks for all the great posts !! Be strong, good luck with the exams and the learning !

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    1. Thank you Corne! And thank YOU for all the great work you do for our Lord by posting on Circles and your blog. People need to hear the word of God and we are held responsible as His children. You are a very strong Christian woman and the world needs you!! I enjoy reading what you post because it's always uplifting and positive and of course, it's always about our Lord and Savior and His great love for us. Keep going!!!

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  5. Kelline,

    I too have had my share of bad experiences and hurt feelings with Church. My wife and I even stopped attending for awhile. Right now we are on our third church and I have had a falling out of sorts with it. However they have an Outreach ministry called Joy Church. It is a community center through the week and is used as a church on Sunday. It a small lot of people 15-25 that attend. some don't have jobs, some don't even have a place to stay. I do the media (power point and music) for the service and sometimes even give the message. In fact, I gave the message and ran the music this last Sunday. Just one of the reasons last week was so hectic. Joy Church has changed the way I look at church. I am so blessed to be a part of this ministry and I get blessed every Sunday. So while I totally get where you are coming from, I can only pray and hope that you do not stop looking. The Right Church can be such a BLESSING.

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    1. God is looking. I long ago figured out that if I let Him lead the way and let Him work it out, I won't go through what I've been through. I totally agree with you and I am not ever going to "forsake the assembling of one another as the manner of some is." Thanks for the pep talk too. I need reminding. It helps me to hold on.

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